love is found in the mundane
possibly first blog entry? i wrote a draft yesterday but i am debating publishing it... regardless, hello π¦! it's been forever since i've blogged (been having crazy withdrawals from it, too many thoughts for a slug brain to handle), and now that it's summer, i can finally let my thoughts back into the wild!
something i've thought about for a while but never talked about with anyone ever is how much i love fleeting conversations with strangers. it sounds odd when i write it down like that LOL. i think people should put more value in those small interactions. they're very close in importance to longer, more committed relationships to me.
i'm not exactly sure why that is? i think maybe because it reminds me i'm alive, i occupy space, i am continuously capable of sharing happiness with others. i think it's a form of love! love maybe not based on deeper aspects of a person but rather based on the fact that they're a person.
it's very easy for me to feel barred from love. i'm a very avoidant person AND YET i am also a romantic at heart. it's fucked up! my circle has always been very small due to fear, avoidance, and insecurity, and a lot of the time, i believe that i'm just not meant to understand what love feels like. but i think the moments where i get to joke with a stranger, exchange smiles with someone next to me, do a small good deed for someone, it reminds me that even when i'm "alone", i can love and be loved.
i'm a very emotional person if you couldn't tell. :p i love and hate and fear and long very strongly. it's exhausting, and i could tone it down a bit for the sake of my sanity, but i don't know any other way of living.
sometimes i fear these days where i'm so acutely in love with my life, with whatever. i know these feelings don't last forever, and most of the time, i lose them when i wake up the next morning. it's like being happy takes out all my energy and forces me to rot for weeks until i can get the feeling again. it might be whatever has plagued me the past few months; it's been hard to do anything because of this mysterious burden.
but i try anyway! i try because i know i can still love and be loved, that i'm relatively happier than i have ever been before.
just some thoughts i've had recently but never materialized. i'm hoping to write soon π¦
with love, seasluggish