scattered lesbian musings
happy pride! i am full of many lesbian thoughts and a lot of love, but my new press ons (the irony) and flickering dopamine is making it difficult to write. expect many poorly connected thoughts!
lesbian encompasses a lot of who i am as a person. it's more than a sexuality to me: it's my gender, it's how i navigate the world in nonromantic and nonsexual ways. ever since i was a freshman in high school, i identified as nonbinary in some way (demigirl -> unlabelled -> genderqueer), but lesbian describes me pretty succinctly.
my gender expression is pretty explicitly lesbian! i'm fem-presenting and have been since i was a kid, but i think now that i more or less know who i am, i dress in a way that is meant for other lesbians. kitschy, heavily embellished, conventionally unattractive for men but possibly attractive for women LOL
i love love love women in the way where i'm at the outside looking in. i adore womanhood, but womanhood doesn't feel like something i belong to. people usually perceive me as a woman and treat me as such, but i understand these experiences more clinically than i do emotionally. i don't think i'm a woman if i can't find any joy in it! womanhood is just so much more beautiful to me when i'm not the person embodying it.
women are just so effortlessly gorgeous in every way. there's a certain quality about women that always leaves me awestruck but i'm still not totally privy to.
i'd love to write about how i figured out i was lesbian, not just sapphic. like many, i discovered my attraction to women first before i discovered my lack of attraction to men. i will write about this soon... now is not the time for men (lol)
to end this post and in the spirit of pride, here are my favorite sapphic writers who write lovely sapphic things:
- anadys, writer of sheepskin. her substack is alluringly, viscerally lesbian: magenta background, animal metaphors, gorey imagery. she's my comfort writer, and i'm always ecstatic whenever she posts. it's like she vacuumed my dusty thoughts and wiped them clean. she articulates experiences similar to mine with a lot more grace :9 if you needed something to psychoanalyze me with, it'd be my attachment to her work.
- ghost, writer of cowboy cathedral. their writing is like biting into a perfectly sour orange, the juice dripping down your chin and between your fingers. another favorite writer of mine
- queerhoodoohousewife, writer of queerhoodoohousewife. absolutely love her. my all-time favorite post of hers is what happens to bisexuals that marry lesbians?, it blew my mind! it reminded me a lot of what i learned from a queer studies class i took in freshman year of college and how nuanced queerness is. queerhoodoohousewife is so brilliant!!! another another fave of mine!
with love, seasluggish